so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
