I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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