she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
