Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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