the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
