If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I could make wine with my vomit
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
