At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
