we're chasing vodka with high fives
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
