Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
