Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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