There was a lot of him and a little penis
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
