We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
