You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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