half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
