Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
