I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
