just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
