Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
