So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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