i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
