I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
