I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
