OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
