Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
