He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
