I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I just sharted jello shots
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