My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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