You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
