i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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