chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
