I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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