The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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