Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
