a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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