There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
