Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
too bad you live with your parents still
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
