New invention idea: vibrating tampons
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
