You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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