I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
