he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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