...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
