Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
