That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
