He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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