I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
