I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
