Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
