i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
