He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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