I wish I could teleport
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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