I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
