Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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